So today at work I was standing and thinking about how well I've been doing this project, following the eightfold path and trying to help others. I realized I wasn't doing so good. I would catch myself gossiping, before I started to gossip and still do it- talking about my coworkers or customers as soon as they were out of ear shot and snickering when mean things were said. I also was aware of being careful and discreet in other things that I would say, not lying but omitting things.
I've worked hard without much slacking and in a non harmful way. I've kept the violence to a minimum, although a few slip ups have happened. I've been reflecting on all that I've done this past weekend and thinking I could of done better, been better, and helped others more than I had, being less selfish in the process.
Reflecting on what my life is right now though- I'm not sure I really want to take that step back and look at my life and see it as a whole. Thoughts like- I'm 2 decades old, been dating almost 2 years, made but learned from my mistakes with little to no regrets, made some enemies and made some friends, I'm about to graduate with no direction after just a vague idea of what I might be able to do and no idea how to do it, feel distant from my family and feel like I'm cheating myself and my friends by saying I'm busy all the time when I spend hours online just wasting time doing nothing to progress myself or others. Then I just get lost. Anyways, tired now and heading off to meditate now before bed. Still have studying to do and getting up early to hang eat breakfast before school and final test tomorrow.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Hello bloggers.
Welcome to my blog. A little about me. I am currently into: reading Harry Potter fan fictions, watching foreign French films, speaking French whenever possible, latex clothing, industrial, techno, dub step, urban green, classical and many more styles of music, artists such as Massive attack, Devotchka, Muse, The Faint, Nightwish, M83, Radiohead, Puscifer, A Perfect Circle, Justice, MGMT, Welder, Bjork, Boards of Canada, Tom Waits, VNV Nation, Sigur Ros, Gorillaz, Chumbawumba, and many more. I enjoy creating things and I know that is my life's purpose. Right now I am a cook at a new restaurant and spend much of my time there unfortunately. I am also a full time student at Normandale Community College and am soon to graduate in May 2010.
I also have a cat born in October 2007 who likes to sit in my lap as I type my assignments at night on my PC. He is gray marble and very handsome. He likes catnip, string, tootsie rolls/pops as well as cough drops and being outside any time of year. He is a very large cat but not fat or heavy set.
At school I find my attention span nearly gone after the first hour or 2, which is unfortunate and means I'm not paying attention as much as I should be. Because I work so much, I don't spend enough time on homework and sometimes even have to work at the time my class ends, thus making me leave (or be late if it ends before my class starts) class early. Sometimes when I forget to turn an assignment in on time I procrastinate on it and eventually just don't turn it in, even if it is 90% done. I also won't turn something in again if it was originally lost if I must type it up and make it again. Repeating myself is a big no-no for me as I find it terribly irksome.
For my Intro to world religions course taught by my favorite philosophy teacher Maran Wolsten. It is a great pleasure to have her again for my third philosophy course.
As part of Maran's class for my final project I am converting to Buddhism for 2 weeks and writing a journal about it. So far I've been a Buddhist for one week and am finding it a great help and purifier in my life. I've come to accept things as they are, for good and bad, and made a couple life changes that I don't plan on having to change again.
As part of being a Buddhist, I've become a vegetarian. Buddhists believe in not harming or taking life, human or animal, but in respecting it. This was both a hard and easy thing to become. Hard because I feel like I am now limited as to what I can eat, and when I am really hungry it feels like the only food available to me is tainted by meat. Also I am constantly surrounded by several of choices of meat at work. I've begun to snack on unhealthy things like candy because of this, but that's something else entirely.
It's easy to be a vegetarian though because for the past year, meat hasn't been tasting as good as it used to. I used to joke saying I could never give up meat especially nice bloody steak (medium rare) because it is just too delicious. But things food has not been holding itself up to the standards I am used to. It's been dry, flavorless and just not appetizing. I know I am getting more nutrients now though that I've stopped eating meat as I eat more veggies and grains to make up for it.
Another part of being a Buddhist though at this point of time I forget what part, but I've been controlling my anger and thoughts much better than I had before. If someone is being a jerk, rude or a horrible person, then instead of holding onto that anger and ruminating on it, I've been accepting that as how it is, see things from their perspective and others, try to understand their actions and words, and finally accept it and let it go.
One of the eight points of Buddhism is to control or acknowledge what one is saying, how it is said and why it is said. Like gossip. There is no need to gossip and it shouldn't be done unless the person is there and you are talking to them about it. So I haven't been gossiping. I know it harmful to myself and others to do so and I don't want to be that kind of person to talk about others behind their backs, good or bad. I've always been like this although now I am more strict and will stop myself before I say anything. I do find it hard to not gossip though, especially if I am trying to learn more about a person or explain how my days been or describe someone.
That is all for now gents and ladies. Ado until my next post.
I also have a cat born in October 2007 who likes to sit in my lap as I type my assignments at night on my PC. He is gray marble and very handsome. He likes catnip, string, tootsie rolls/pops as well as cough drops and being outside any time of year. He is a very large cat but not fat or heavy set.
At school I find my attention span nearly gone after the first hour or 2, which is unfortunate and means I'm not paying attention as much as I should be. Because I work so much, I don't spend enough time on homework and sometimes even have to work at the time my class ends, thus making me leave (or be late if it ends before my class starts) class early. Sometimes when I forget to turn an assignment in on time I procrastinate on it and eventually just don't turn it in, even if it is 90% done. I also won't turn something in again if it was originally lost if I must type it up and make it again. Repeating myself is a big no-no for me as I find it terribly irksome.
For my Intro to world religions course taught by my favorite philosophy teacher Maran Wolsten. It is a great pleasure to have her again for my third philosophy course.
As part of Maran's class for my final project I am converting to Buddhism for 2 weeks and writing a journal about it. So far I've been a Buddhist for one week and am finding it a great help and purifier in my life. I've come to accept things as they are, for good and bad, and made a couple life changes that I don't plan on having to change again.
As part of being a Buddhist, I've become a vegetarian. Buddhists believe in not harming or taking life, human or animal, but in respecting it. This was both a hard and easy thing to become. Hard because I feel like I am now limited as to what I can eat, and when I am really hungry it feels like the only food available to me is tainted by meat. Also I am constantly surrounded by several of choices of meat at work. I've begun to snack on unhealthy things like candy because of this, but that's something else entirely.
It's easy to be a vegetarian though because for the past year, meat hasn't been tasting as good as it used to. I used to joke saying I could never give up meat especially nice bloody steak (medium rare) because it is just too delicious. But things food has not been holding itself up to the standards I am used to. It's been dry, flavorless and just not appetizing. I know I am getting more nutrients now though that I've stopped eating meat as I eat more veggies and grains to make up for it.
Another part of being a Buddhist though at this point of time I forget what part, but I've been controlling my anger and thoughts much better than I had before. If someone is being a jerk, rude or a horrible person, then instead of holding onto that anger and ruminating on it, I've been accepting that as how it is, see things from their perspective and others, try to understand their actions and words, and finally accept it and let it go.
One of the eight points of Buddhism is to control or acknowledge what one is saying, how it is said and why it is said. Like gossip. There is no need to gossip and it shouldn't be done unless the person is there and you are talking to them about it. So I haven't been gossiping. I know it harmful to myself and others to do so and I don't want to be that kind of person to talk about others behind their backs, good or bad. I've always been like this although now I am more strict and will stop myself before I say anything. I do find it hard to not gossip though, especially if I am trying to learn more about a person or explain how my days been or describe someone.
That is all for now gents and ladies. Ado until my next post.
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